A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
