Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
