Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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