i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
