I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
