You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
