my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
