I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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