the condom got lost in my hair
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
