Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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