I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
