At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
