Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
