Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
