She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
