Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
