remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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