He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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