My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
