So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
