im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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