walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
