I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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