yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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