Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
