i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
