I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
