I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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