4 words: hood of his car
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
