butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
