I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
