I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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