I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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