I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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