the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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