im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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