thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
