You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
