i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
do nipples grow back?
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