can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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