careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
