it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
