i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
