if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
