very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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