She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.