There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
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White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver