I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."