somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER