that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊