I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out