I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
