I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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