last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just invented taco cereal.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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