Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
