well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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