At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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