ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
