Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
