He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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