i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
