Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
