So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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