He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
