somebody snuck up and got me drunk
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
