margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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