Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
