I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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