I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can I color on your dick again?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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