my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
