PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Everclear isn't food dammit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
