he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Text me some of your sweat
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
