she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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