dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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