Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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