did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
