You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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